Liam Smith’s Weight: Is It a Government Secret or Just Bad Math?
The Conspiracy Theories Are Scaling Up
Let’s address the elephant in the room—or rather, the number missing from Liam Smith’s Wikipedia page. Why is his weight listed as “approximately one adult alpaca” or “classified” on some fringe forums? Theories abound:
– Government cover-up: Does his BMI hold the key to cold fusion? Is he a walking repository of state secrets (or state snacks)?
– Metric vs. Imperial sabotage: Did someone accidentally convert his weight to stone… and then throw that stone into the ocean?
– Witness protection program: Maybe he’s hiding from a rogue fitness trainer who’s still bitter about that unpaid gym selfie.
The Case of the Missing Decimal Point
Alternatively, maybe the mystery boils down to humanity’s oldest foe: *math*. Consider the possibilities:
– A publicist typoed “185 lbs” as “18.5 lbs,” sparking rumors Liam is either a helium-filled hologram or a very determined squirrel.
– His weight fluctuates via lunar gravity—because someone, somewhere, insists tides affect scale readings.
– The “scale” used was a bathroom rug, a Wii Fit board from 2008, or a seesaw calibrated against a sack of potatoes.
Either way, until Liam steps on a live-streamed scale while reciting the Pythagorean theorem, we’ll remain trapped in this vortex of speculation. And honestly? The alpaca theory’s gaining traction.
Why Liam Smith’s Scale is Probably Writing a Tell-All Memoir
Let’s face it: Liam Smith’s scale has seen things. Things no inanimate object should endure. From being blamed for “water weight” after a single salty chip to enduring dramatic sighs at 7 a.m., this humble bathroom sentinel has silently absorbed years of existential crises. Rumor has it, it’s finally ready to spill the grams—er, tea—in a memoir tentatively titled “Fluctuations: A Scale’s Diary of Lies, Pizza, and Occasional Progress.” Chapter one? “Why You *Actually* Gained 0.2 Pounds: A Forensic Analysis of That ‘One Bite’ of Cake.”
The Scale’s Side of the Story (According to Its Agent)
- Alleged ghostwriting credits: “I inspired Liam’s ‘new year, new me’ Instagram post. He used me as a coaster three hours later.”
- On being ignored: “Once, he weighed a suitcase on me. A suitcase. I’m a precision instrument, not a carnival guess-your-weight game!”
- Biggest betrayal: “The time he switched to kilograms ‘for mental clarity’ and then Googled ‘kg to lbs’ 17 times in one week.”
Alleged Grievances (According to Anonymous Bathroom Sources)
Insiders claim the scale’s manuscript includes a 15-page rant about being stored on uneven tile, a haiku titled “Ode to the Forgotten Gym Membership,” and a tear-stained appendix listing every holiday cookie that “fell into Liam’s mouth mysteriously.” Critics speculate it’s less a memoir and more a true crime exposé—with Liam as the unwitting protagonist who still doesn’t know where the “cheat day” line is. The scale’s only comment? “Pre-order links drop after I’ve been properly calibrated.”
Liam Smith’s Weight vs. the Laws of Physics: A Feud for the Ages
Round 1: Gravity Throws a Tantrum
Liam Smith’s weight has been locked in a passive-aggressive showdown with physics since, well, forever. Gravity, that clingy overachiever, insists on keeping Liam’s feet firmly planted on Earth. But Liam? He’s the guy who somehow defies Newton’s apple-logic by eating three slices of pie and still floating through life like a rogue helium balloon. Scientists are baffled. Does his body run on kale or dark matter? Rumor has it his scale just displays “ERROR” and a frowny face.
The Laws of Physics: A List of Grievances
- Newton’s First Law: “An object at rest should stay at rest. Liam, why are you suddenly sprinting to the fridge during commercials?”
- Thermodynamics: “His metabolism converts pizza into pure chaos. Entropy wins, but so does Liam.”
- Einstein’s Relativity: “Time slows down when he’s deciding between fries and salad. For everyone.”
Momentum’s Midlife Crisis
Physics textbooks claim momentum = mass × velocity, but Liam’s version is more “mass × indecision × iced coffee.” Witness him “accidentally” body-checking a doorframe because inertia panicked and forgot its job. Meanwhile, velocity is just sitting in the corner, muttering, “I didn’t sign up for this.” Some say Liam’s gravitational pull is why your Wi-Fi drops when he enters the room. Coincidence? Or quantum shenanigans? The universe is taking notes. And possibly therapy.